Monday, April 2, 2012
Whether he knows it or not, he wants to be just like you, Dad.
Confession: I said that this week’s article would be the last of “The Talk.” I now see that last week’s “charge to fathers” was truly the capstone of that series. I promised to explore ways fathers shape their son’s masculinity and their daughter’s femininity (more than anything we mothers can do — a bold statement, I know) and I will honor that, but something happened this week that caused me to re-evaluate ending here. When a faithful “Growth Chart” reader asked: “What if Dads are not rising to the call? How do we fill that ‘missing piece?'" I realized that there was more to cover than could be contained in “one more” article. So, we begin a new series, "Dads and Mentors," but I can't say that the issue of sexuality won't come up — in …
Monday, March 5, 2012
How does a parent wrap her mind around a reality no one wants to face?
On Feb. 27, the unthinkable happened. I need to rephrase that. What should be unthinkable happened. But who has not confronted: What if? Parents, students, teachers, school employees, administrators ... shudder at unfathomable thoughts. When I was a child, I hated tornado drills. I tried not to think about my fear. Who could control nature? What goes through our children’s minds? It is unconscionable that they should have to drill for shootings; yet they must. Know what to do. Push down the fear. Pray it never happens. It couldn’t. It wouldn’t. It’s unthinkable. It happened. Our hearts break for the Chardon victims and their families. Our anger burns against the one who committed this crime and against evil circumstances and thoughts …
Monday, February 20, 2012
So, what if we haven't had "The Talk?" Does it really matter?
One reason I decided to talk to my children about anything and everything, from early childhood on, is that life wasn’t like that for me growing up. As a child, I learned certain topics were “off limits.” Through the unintentional trial and error of asking the “wrong” questions, I found my queries met with snickers, adult-whispers or “you’re-too-young.” I remember overhearing a conversation (in hushed tones) about a girl who was 16 and pregnant. I wondered how that could happen. I thought only married people had babies, but I knew not to ask. I had learned: We didn’t talk about those things at home. I talked to friends and listened well on the playground. In first grade, a girl told me that her mom was pregnant. She said it happened …
Monday, February 13, 2012
Values every human has a right to experience at the core of sex education
Six years ago, a pastor at my church asked me to “put something together” on the topic of sexual integrity for the girls in the youth group. He had no idea what he was asking. The topic had needled me for more than 10 years. Not only did he ask at just the right time, he used the very words I’d already heard in my mind (but had told no one about). I was sitting in church one Sunday when I "heard," “You need to put something together for the girls.” “But I’m not even involved in youth ministry!” I’d argued. “It’s time,” the Voice had urged. I might have dismissed the whole "conversation" as simply my imagination, if not for the phone call later that day. When Pastor Scott, whom I barely knew at the time, asked his fateful question, how …
Monday, February 6, 2012
Hanging on the Edge of A Parenting Precipice: A chance encounter with word-play blazed a trail for a greater life lesson. Not just for my 5-year-old.
Riding along, Kody said, “Mom, did you SEE how FAT that lady was? How did she fit behind the steering wheel?” Firmly "helping” my son understand the impoliteness of his “weighty” comments, I urged: “Sweetie, I didn’t see her, but ‘fat’ is a word we shouldn’t use.” Silence. A snicker. Oh, boy. What now? “I said the ‘F’ word, Mom.” Stunned silence on my part. What to say? Should I let him think that “fat” is the “F” word? More silence — then "Tee hee. Mom, I did a play on words.” “Oh?” I choked on a laugh. I didn’t even know he knew what a pun was, but I’d probably explained it in conversation at some point. We had this crazy habit of talking about anything and everything. “There’s another ‘F’ word, you know,” he mused. How had we …
Monday, January 30, 2012
If we start well, the conversation can last a lifetime
Last week, "The Growth Chart" featured “A Conversation with my Son” as a model of straightforward, appropriate wording in response to a child’s questions about sex. If you're following this series, you know that “The Talk” refers not to "just one talk" but to ongoing conversation. This week, to piggyback, I’m including some tips that spell out exactly what I was doing in those conversations. It might be helpful to compare these tips to last week's article. As you put these ideas into practice with your kids, I think you’ll find positive results. When we start out well, the conversation can last years, a lifetime, even, deepening our relationship with our kids, helping them (and us) to grow. “Do’s and Don’ts” of Responding to the …
Monday, January 23, 2012
You were very young when you asked: “Where do babies come from?" I chose to tell you the truth ...
I responded: “Couples often pray and ask God to give them a baby…” That was the truth! What you could understand of it, anyway. You rewarded my honesty with more questions. I’ve recounted our conversation here. _____ “How does the baby come out?” You wondered. “The baby grows in the mommy’s uterus and comes out an opening.” _____ You thought about that. “Where is the opening?” “What are some openings in your body?” “My mouth, my nose, my penis, my butt ... Babies don’t come out of your butt, do they?” We laughed. “No, they don’t. Do girls have different openings than boys?” “They don’t have a penis.” “Right. They have a hole for pee, one for No. 2, and one called ‘the vagina,’ where babies comes out.” (Really big eyes.) “A hole gets THAT …
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sometimes I’m amazed by the little things my kids thank me for, and I wonder, how did they get to be so appreciative?
It could be a new outfit or a new tube of lip gloss. A meal in the car, through the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru or a run-of-the mill supper cooked at home. Ironing my teenage son’s shirt or spending time at his game. My kids have even been known to thank me for doing their laundry. When they say “thank you” for little things, sometimes I think: "Really? You’re thanking me for that?" I consider their gratitude, with amazement, then I realize that all of this did not happen by chance. It started in early childhood. When I thanked them for “helping” me, even at times when their efforts didn’t really feel like “help.” (Think of a toddler folding a towel. Or when your preschooler pulls every item out of your refrigerator to make you breakfast in …
Monday, November 21, 2011
It happens in every family, without respect to social status, financial situation,
or parental dedication. Suddenly, the child you knew and loved is gone.
One day, your delightful child is present: mind, body and spirit; the next, she is the mere shell of the girl you once knew. Curious, hopeful eyes have been replaced by accusing looks, reflecting the edge of rebellion in this new life form. Something has invaded. The only explanation: Your real child has been abducted. By aliens. I gauge much of what’s coming down the parenting-pike by what my older sisters have experienced. I saw The Invasion years before it happened to my own child. When Cathy first explained her Alien Invasion Theory, I was skeptical, but in time, it gave me comfort. As surely as the aliens had come and snatched away my sister’s real children at age 12, they eventually returned better versions. I took heart: …
Monday, July 11, 2011
Store offers break from everyday life
Every once in awhile, our family gets in a funk. Sometimes it’s the monotony of our weekday schedule or a long week cooped up at home, sick. Other times, we just want a short, fun break from life. That’s when we head to Big Fun on Coventry Road. Like a dip in the pool on a hot summer day, it’s just the kind of fun, refreshing break we need to put a smile on our faces. Big Fun, as almost every Clevelander knows, is a throwback to the days of simple games and toys. There are no iTouches or DS computer games or even DVDs. Instead, the store is brimming with simple, silly, (mostly) non-mechanical stuff that makes anyone over 40 say: “I remember that!” and smile. I remember the silly MadLibs that made us chuckle on our long road trips out …
Donna J. Noble
1:55 am on Tuesday, April 10, 2012
LeJohn-- What a great question you have raised. I guess what comes to mind is this: if you know what kind of father you don't want to be, then I think, in your heart, you also know the Dad you want to be. It may be hard to get there, and trust me, as a Mom, I've been there. I have found that my best Help is listening to that Voice within that guides you. The One that tells you when you've failed … more ›