So before I went to watch Ted, I anticipated how I would start the review if the movie turned out good. I had prepared the following:

You know how you're supposed to add 'in bed' at the end of your fortune cookie wisdom. Let's try it with 'in Ted' instead.

You will laugh your botox off today (in Ted).
You will laugh so hard for so long that you might miss the next joke (in Ted).

But I didn’t anticipate the other possibilities. Moral of the story: never ‘pre’-review films, only review them.

Ted is about Johnny (Mark Wahlberg) who is gifted a teddy bear when he is young. Very soon, it becomes his best friend. Little Johnny wishes Ted (voiced by Seth Macfarlane) could talk and stay his best friend forever. A Christmas miracle results. Over time, Johnny ages and attempts to bear adult responsibilities like a real job and a steady girlfriend, Lori (Mila Kunis). Ted on the other hand does not age and just wants to smoke weed all day. Johnny realizes he can’t move forward in life as long as Ted is such a big part of it.

Ted is funny, including those random pop culture references and over-extended fist-fights that are the norm in Family Guy. It has its fair share of laughs. It just can’t keep up during its entire duration of 106 minutes. Perhaps it didn’t intend to be an out-and-out funny movie; it does have an emotional, albeit whimsical, theme at its core. It seems as though Seth Macfarlane was challenged by the length of a feature film. It’s not the same as writing for a 22-minute episode that doesn’t have to continue on from where the previous one left off.

Watch it if you liked: Family Guy. Also, E.T. (yes, the Steven Spielberg movie) but you wished it was funnier. 

Check it out at Shaker Cinemas. This politically incorrect, weed-smoking teddy bear is rated R, so don’t take the kids along.